The post where I freak the freak out

5 Jun

So I’m going to a wedding this weekend.  In Western Virginia – approximately 3.75hrs from where I live, 1.5hrs from Charlottesville and 30 mins from Luray – for thouse that know of the Luray Caverns.  It’s officially in BFE complete with one working stop light…and from the Google Earth pictures, I’m not sure if it’s actually  a working stoplight OR a flashing warning light in front of the local firehouse…you know in case the whole 4 cars in the town use the road at the same time that the fire engine has to go somewhere.  (which makes me wonder, you gotta figure the population of the town is so small that it probably means that the people who are on the fire engine are probably the same ones who would be driving so…in the end is the flashing warning light even necessary?  but I digress….)  ANYWAYS…but I am nervous. 

This is the first event with my friends since my ex and I split.  I am the first one in the group to divorce.  I don’t want to be pitied.  I really don’t want to be the “aww, look at her sitting all by herself, let’s sit with her so she won’t be alone’ person.  I don’t want to be THAT person.  And I know that because my friends are very kind people that they  wouldn’t intend to hurt my feelings by being kind but I can see this happening. 

Actually as I was driving home from EMT-E class last night, I was thinking about my ex, weddings and stuff.  I believe in the institution of marriage.  Truly, I do.  I want to get married again and stay married and have babies and live the dream but what I’m dealing with is the antithesis of all of that.  Where marriage is the start of a life together, a divorce is the death of that life.  Now, I know my marriage was over before it really got going but still…there’s knowing that and actually going through all the processes to account for things (property settlement agreement, name change, court date for the divorce to be granted, mortgage issues, renting a house, the dogs…) that had such a celebratory nature (LOOK! I changed my name! – then to ‘ok, so what paperwork do  I have to complete to go back to Terri Maiden Name?’) – now is much more of a hassel and another thing to add to my to-do list.

Ok, now that I’ve wandered my happy ass through this post – it can be summed up in two parts…

1) I am nervous.  But I have a pretty dress, new earrings, new shoes and a wrap…but don’t want to be pitied or patronized about being the single girl at a  wedding….

2) I believe in marriage even though mine ended in a fireball of craptastic-ness.

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