Last night on the ambulance…

25 Jun

WAS AWESOME!! I had a blast, running with my favorite partner of all time. 

We were only on for 4 hours and only had 2 calls.  The first call was for a woman with right face and right upper arm pain.  She had trouble speaking but I think it was from the toothache that she said she had for a couple of days…though the woman mumbled something about an ear ache… I think that the fact that the woman was packing up her house to move didn’t help anything.  So we took her to the local hospital.  And deposited her in Triage. 

The second call was hilarious!  We went for an overdose…pills with booze as chasers.  We get there and find a 58yo Female who is upstairs ‘putting on clothes’ ( I love drunks who do stairs…figure if you are drunk OR massively obese, live on the first floor) so she starts coming down stairs, I head over to her to get a grip on her and perhaps expedite leaving the place.  The patient starts babbling about needing her shoes, so I grab a pair of flip flops and aim her feet to step into the shoes.  She says that these aren’t the shoes she wanted so I tell her that she’s wearing a black shirt, these are black shoes, her outfit is ‘cute’.  That mollifies her for a hot minute.  We get her, her purse and her keys out the door.  She keeps repeating that she’s “fucking drunk”.  I finally get fed up and tell her that she sure is.  I think it’s around this time that she decided that she really liked me and she just babbled as we walked down the steps, got her onto the stretcher and loaded into the back of the ambulance.

Since I’ve got a pretty good rapport going with her, I take her vitals and start talking to her to find out what she took, how much and does she want to kill herself.  She is absolutely hammered and keeps apologizing and stating that she’s drunk. 

My partner decides that he’s going to put a lock on her, so he’s going to ride this call in.  I distract the patient so he can get access without her ‘helping’ him by moving her arm or ‘dropping her arm’ or whatever else that she decided was a good idea.  He gets the lock in w/o the patient flipping out….or even seeming to notice.  So I leave the back of the ambulance, get into the drivers seat and start transport to the hospital that the patient usually goes to.  Which is about 10 minutes away. 

As I’m driving I’m keeping one eye on the rear-view mirror so that I can kind of see what’s going on.  I see my partner get flustered…and then he starts mouthing something to me.  I can’t figure it out and he’s getting more and more frustrated.  Eventually he makes his way up to the front so he can speak to me…apparently the patient made herself VERY friendly with him.  Decided to let her hands rove all over him, focusing in on some very specific regions and really taking her time to feel everything she could. 

I damn near cried, laughing out loud.  Which didn’t help things.  He recognized that it was funny but was still annoyed/pissed with the drunk lady who apparently found him to be absolutely irresistible. 

Since I’m usually the one who is getting propisitioned by patients, I was all f or turn-about being fair play 😀  Poor partner 😉 

Apparently she didn’t satisfy her desire for him, so when he sat back down, she went right back to feeling him up.  He’s trying to tell me what’s going on by mouthing things to me and I can’t read his lips through the rear-view mirror…so needless to say, he was less than amused (but still saw the humor in it) and we chatted about it when we got to the hospital and got the patient to her room.

But you gotta love  it when the RN who comes into the room goes ‘Mrs. Patient, you’re back again I see’.  Apparently the staff at this particular hospital is well versed with her…and the cops who were on scene with us at the woman’s house had a pretty thorough record of the  number of times she’s done the whole ‘drunk and overdose’ thing…


Communication is key

Communication is key


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