In the No-Shit-Sherlock Column

2 Jul

I don’t like being told what to do.  Shocker, right?  I know – I should save these earth-shattering revelations for later in the day.  You know, until people have their coffee and stuff. 

But anyways – I really really hate being questioned or told that what I’m doing is wrong.  So when I am ‘preached at’ or I percieve that I’m being lectured, oh holy hot damn does my back get up fast. 

Example:  This f****** migraine / headache that’s on it’s eigth day of hanging out in my head making me cringe if the lights are turned on / off, finding that ceiling fans are the devil’s spawn because the shadows of the blades behind the glaring orb of light – is not something that I’m particularly enjoying.  This isn’t something that I wake up and go ‘oh joy! I want to physically remove my head, drain it and then put it back on!’ and I’m not really so massochistic that I find this pain to be somehow enjoyable.  SO! When someone with the best of intentions starts asking about how bad the pain is, where it’s located, stabbing vice aching vice all of the above, when am I going to the doctor, perhaps I should slow down – it hits all of my ‘ENGAGE RAGING BITCH MODE’ buttons and I have to fight back the desire to tell them off and give them a good piece of my mind.

I’ve pretty well figured out what’s causing my migraine and a visit to my PCP, with a referral to a neurologist IS NOT going to be the cure.  And I’d like to save my $40 and sick time, thankyouverymuch. 

Here’s what I’ve got figured out:

My migraine is a fruitcake.  What the fuck does that mean, you ask?  Well, let me ‘splain.  Wait, there is too  much.  Let me sum up: Basically that there are a lot of components that are unpleasant-but-tolerable on their own, but mixed together become this blocky, unsavory, why-do-you-hate-me lump of junk that is given to folks for no apparent reason. 

So part of my headache is tension – and why on earth would I have tension?? 

Hmm, let me see…

1) I’m working a job I don’t particularly enjoy for a man who prefers to be in a relatively constant state of  paranoia in that whole ‘we gotta get this right otherwise XX or YY will come after us!’…he also apparently digs on that ‘martyrdom’ complex.  Bah!

2) My divorce and less than amicable relationship with my ex.  And the additional burdens he places on me.  Usually in the form of me taking care of the dogs.

3) My Mom’s back home for a couple of days…so now is the questions about ‘where are you going, how long are you going to be there, who else is going to be there….it’s playing 20-questions just to get out the door.

So that’s tension.  Oh and going to school twice a week at night, after going to work, going to go get the dogs and then getting them to my ex’s house so that I can feed them and get to school on time. 

And I run a lot of duties.  Something I am actually trying to cut back on for the month of July.  I did pick up 4hrs tomorrow ahead of my 12-hour shift on Saturday.  But I really do love to run with my partner for tomorrow’s shift, so it definitely has it’s redeeming value. 

I cannot remember the last time I went to sleep without knowing that I have to get up for something in the morning.  When I was married it was ‘I need to get to bed now because he’ll be home at XX time and the dogs will go nuts.’ 

Oh…and a couple more things…one that I cannot mention here but was proposed as being a cause of my migraine (which is eerily correct) and the other is tension because my bank sent an extra car payment to the bank that used to have the loan to my car.  And then because I’m efficient when I don’t try to be, half of my car payment came out of my bank today since I’ve got it set up on twice-monthly deductions so I don’t have to pay the whole thing at one time.  So this month I’ve made 2.5 car payments.  WTF – over?

So money is tight, I’m not sleeping, I’m stressed about my divorce and my dad, I’m playing 20-questions with my Mom…and I wonder why I have a migraine.  Especially one that won’t go away.

That’s why when I feel like I’m being lectured about going to the doctor, all I hear is ‘this is something more for you to do and you need to do it because I said so’ and I begin to wonder how it is that I managed to survive for 28 years without dying because I’m obviously inept.  And then I get angry.

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