Archive | October, 2009

I hate dating

30 Oct

Dating suck big fat monkey balls.  IT’S AWFUL! 

I met a guy (yay me!)…well, he’s my plumber and he came over to my house to fix my hot water heater.  I’d previously only been getting 9 minutes of hot water.  Now I have all sorts of hot water.  And IT IS GLORIOUS!  But anyways – why I hate dating. 

So the day that Will fixed the hot water heater he called and asked me out.  We went to a really cool indy-vibed place and had a blast.  Sweet! Score!  A normal, non-EMS guy that drinks beer!  And is sweet and kind and promised that he was one of the good guys. 

Date 1 went so well, there was Date 2.  Last night.  He cooked dinner (steaks and mashed taters…and since I’ve been mostly veggie since I moved out the steak was a little more than hard on my system but anyways – I digress) and we hung out with his brother and watched TV. 

And then we went upstairs to his room to watch a movie.  And I gave him a backrub.  And I didn’t even get a kiss.  I got a hug good night. 

Seriously?  A Hug?  Now, I like hugs as much as the next person but I was kind of thinking that I’d get something more….like french kissed or perhaps felt up (or that he’d act like he wants to feel me up or something…) but nope. 

So – interwebz – did I screw this one up?  Should I have taken the initiative and jumped him?  Or was my tried-and-true-method of ‘you take the first step and I’ll take the second’ ok? 

Advice please….

I know I don’t have the flu

23 Oct

Because I don’t have a thermometer. And you “can’t” have the flu without a fever.  Or so says my best friend Dr. Ladybug. 

I was at Walgreens  yesterday and I did stop and contemplate buying a thermometer but decided against it.  Sometimes too much knowledge can be a bad thing. 

So other than the sweats and aching joints, there was no other reason to suspect a fever….which meant no flu. Right?  Right?  C’mon people…the rationalization works in my world.

Besides, I did get my flu shot this year – like a good girl.  So I shouldn’t get flu…or if I do, it should be pretty mild.  Cause whatever this illness is, it’s not mild and it kicked my ass the past three days. 

I just don’t have the patience for it.  And it had best be gone by Sunday when I am on the ambulance all day. 

That’s all I’m sayin’.

My House

20 Oct

It’s been a long time in coming – hell I’ve lived here almost 3 full months – but here is my house.  It’s small,quaint, has it’s quirks but I LOVE IT.

Is it worth it?

20 Oct

I’m currently waiting for my doctor’s office to call me back.  They lost my physical forms that I hand-walked in over a month ago.  I need the forms – or anything at this point from my Doctor – saying that I’m physically fit to spend 24hrs in a hospital.  That’s it.

24 motherfucking hours.

I’m going to fail my class that I had to take to spend 24 hours in a hospital so that I can test for my state Enhanced certification in December.

So far this class cost me:

$400 for the inital class and the clincial course combined

$108 for the textbook that the teacher didn’t use until the final exam

$68 for the titers to prove that I have had chicken pox and measels / mumps / rubella

$20×3 for each doctors visit to get the phyiscal, the shots and the paperwork

$$ because I don’t know what the cost is going to be for the tetanus, hep b and PPD shots

So that’s a lot of money.  When money is so tight I’m making pennies cry.

And then I’ve got my clinical coordinators bitching at me that they can’t schedule me until I’ve got my phyiscal form in.

All of this – for a volunteer job.

Oh – and I have to pay for my State test.

So between the hours, the money and the bullshit – is it worth it?

Struggling with being grateful

19 Oct

I’m not in a good place mentally right now. 

I am going through the process of being alone – and let me tell you – it sucks.  I have long had the whole ‘being found attractive’ and ‘having self-worth’ being too intricately tied together. 

This weekend was a learning experience.  I went out Saturday night after my shift on the ambulance with one of my former coworker’s rugby team.  I was already in a sort of crabby mood from my shift on the ambulance (despite the fact that I got a bear hug from a leukemia/lymphoma patient) so when I went out – and wasn’t hit on  (imagine my audacity to think that I would be hit on!) my ego took a pretty big bruising. 

Then on Sunday…I was already in a difficult mental place – which isn’t that surprising based on my previous mental health history (namely, I’m a struggling bulemic with body image issues and self-worth problems) I went out to a bar to watch the Eagles game.

Not only was I a bitch to my sister – because her boyfriend is coming back from Iraq (what a bitch I am! – but she’s so happy and in love and he’s so wonderful to her) that my pity party went in to overdrive.  In my head, I’m a fat cow who broke up with a wonderful guy and left my husband and I’ve already used up all my ‘chances’ in the world to be happy. 

I, of course, ignored the part where I have this cute little house, two dogs that adore me – willfully overlooking the part where my two dogs and I all took a nap during the Giants-Saints football game together – a job that pays (even though I don’t like it), a family that does love me…yeah. 

So I’m working on being grateful. 

I have the ability to turn on the heat.

I have the monetary ability to pay for my cute little house.  Yes money is tight but it won’t always be tight.  My dogs are kept in kibble and they snuggle with me every night. 

I’m learning how to do home improvement projects – from refinishing a chest of drawers to replacing a faucet.  I think I’m going to tackle draining my hot water heater this afternoon because 11 minutes of hot water is most definitely unsatisfactory.  I’m hoping that there’s just air in the tank and that draining it will solve some problems. 

So I’m struggling but I’m holding on.  Just having a mental pity party and trying to get up and over it.

Today on the Ambulance

17 Oct

I declared my first patient deceased.

The woman had been deceased for a couple of days.  And she passed away alone and hadn’t been discovered for two days.

I felt so horrible for her.  Not only did she die all alone but it had been 2 days since anyone saw her or heard from her.

2 days.

I know it’s not ‘the worst’ or ‘the longest’ that anyone has been dead before being discovered but I still felt horrible.

And then I started to worry that maybe she wasn’t dead.  Maybe she was really alive and when she gets to the morgue the medical examiner or the mortician or whomever is really going to discover that she was really alive and that I was the one that declared her dead when she wasn’t dead.

But I followed my protocols, felt for a radial and carotid pulses, noted the lividity line, the lack of respiration, and the coldness of her skin and I know that she was dead.

Her house was decorated for Halloween.

Wine at Night = Headache in AM

15 Oct

I should know better than to drink more than a beer or glass of wine when I have to get up in the morning.

And I’m paying for it now.  I’m super tired and not a little bit cranky.  I have to go to CPR-recertification class tonight…have to get my PPD read and get the dogs from daycamp.  Nothing quite like crisscrossing the city several times….in the rain!

My option is to leave work, go get my PPD read during my lunch break and then leave on-time to slightly late from work.  I have a sneaking suspicion that that might be the smarter move that way even though it’s not fuel-savy.