Written under the influence of white wine

14 Oct

So yeah.  It’s been a day.  I broke up with the guy I was seeing.  I know it was for the best but it still sucks.  I hate feeling like the bad guy but I know that I’m not ready to seriously date yet.

Occasional date?  Good to go.

Steady-with-expectations where we are deeply involved in the nuantic details of each others lives?  Not so much.

So here I sit.  In my house.  Alone.  This is what I asked for – right?  Just to be left alone and now I’ve got it.

And it sucks but in a completely cathartic way.  I need to put me back together but to do that I need to go through this period.  I need to figure out what I want, what I’m willing – and more importantly – not willing to compromise on.

But right now – in this moment – I am sad.  I’m listening to ‘Need You Now’ by Lady Antebellum and deciding whether I want to drive to the bar my brother is working at to talk to him.  Or if I should just stay here.

The last time I was this sad, I was a senior in college and my best girlfriends and I watched Steel Magnolias and had a good cry.  Is that what I want tonight?  Or a good drunkening? (yes, I know it’s not a word but you get the point).

‘Never Again’ by Nickleback just came on the Napster.  I love to run to this song.  Good and Angry and full of Self-Avowal.

Do I really have high-to-impossible expectations?  Am I determined to end up alone the rest of my life? Is alone really a bad thing?

So tell me – curl up with the dogs and the rest of this wine or go to my brother’s bar and talk it out?


One Response to “Written under the influence of white wine”

  1. Tass October 15, 2009 at 10:19 am #

    Personally, I prefer the dogs.

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