Written under the influence of white wine

14 Oct

So yeah.  It’s been a day.  I broke up with the guy I was seeing.  I know it was for the best but it still sucks.  I hate feeling like the bad guy but I know that I’m not ready to seriously date yet.

Occasional date?  Good to go.

Steady-with-expectations where we are deeply involved in the nuantic details of each others lives?  Not so much.

So here I sit.  In my house.  Alone.  This is what I asked for – right?  Just to be left alone and now I’ve got it.

And it sucks but in a completely cathartic way.  I need to put me back together but to do that I need to go through this period.  I need to figure out what I want, what I’m willing – and more importantly – not willing to compromise on.

But right now – in this moment – I am sad.  I’m listening to ‘Need You Now’ by Lady Antebellum and deciding whether I want to drive to the bar my brother is working at to talk to him.  Or if I should just stay here.

The last time I was this sad, I was a senior in college and my best girlfriends and I watched Steel Magnolias and had a good cry.  Is that what I want tonight?  Or a good drunkening? (yes, I know it’s not a word but you get the point).

‘Never Again’ by Nickleback just came on the Napster.  I love to run to this song.  Good and Angry and full of Self-Avowal.

Do I really have high-to-impossible expectations?  Am I determined to end up alone the rest of my life? Is alone really a bad thing?

So tell me – curl up with the dogs and the rest of this wine or go to my brother’s bar and talk it out?

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One Response to “Written under the influence of white wine”

  1. Tass October 15, 2009 at 10:19 am #

    Personally, I prefer the dogs.

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