Archive | November, 2010

Different

29 Nov

Thanksgiving was good around these parts – chilly but not cold – with all the outside appearances of ‘normal’.  Except it wasn’t.  Mom was up in New England with her Mom – my Nana.  And that sent everything into a different track than it usually is – how it’s ‘supposed to’ be.

Mom flew out on Tuesday – 3 days after my Nana’s Ischemic stroke.  Tuesday was good with Nana, as was Wednesday.  They moved her to a Rehab center because she needs physical, occupational and speech therapy.  Her right side – particularly her hand/eye coordination is diminished.  She knows words but her mouth won’t make them.  She forgets things easily.

Nana – ever feisty – ripped into my Mom, Uncle and Aunt on Wednesday.  She did not want to go to the Rehab center.  She was scared.  She wasn’t sure she’d ever go home again.

Thursday was the first round of true therapy.  Nana decided that the people at the Rehab center did know what they were doing.  She decided that she did need to be there.

And then she had another stroke.

What was going to be a 2 week stay has now turned into a month.  Or longer.  Her words are slurred and she is having trouble finding them. She demanded that my Mom and Uncle go get all of the “important papers”.  The deed to the house, the Will, get the lawyer on the phone.  Sign the DNR (do not resuscitate) paperwork.  Make decisions on Advanced Directives.

Hearing all of this on Saturday morning was rough.  Medically, I am very thankful that my Nana signed the DNR paperwork.  Working a code is brutal on the patient.  Bones shatter, the body is physically beaten, interventions are made that might prolong life in the ICU.  But for an 87+ year old woman, all those interventions are probably not going to work.  So I am relieved that my Nana has made the decision to ‘just let me go’ as she said.  Emotionally, it just flat out sucks.

My invincible Nana has hit a snag.  I have to face the fact that she’s mortal.  I don’t want to though.  She’s still my Nana – a woman of sweet voice, even and kind temperament and an iron will.

So this Thanksgiving was different.  My sister stepped up and did an amazing job cooking dinner.  I didn’t even really want to celebrate the day.  But I am incredibly thankful that my sister forced the issue and gathered us – my dad, my brother-in-law, me and her to the table.  It was wonderful to know that  this web that my Nana, the matriarch of my family, wove is tighter than ever.

 

 

Nana and me

 

 

Ok – so…what does THAT mean?

21 Nov

My grandmother – my maternal grandmother – my Nana – has apparently had a series of TIA’s (Transient Ischiemic Attacks).  My mom told my sister and I at dinner on Thursday to celebrate my birthday.

Yesterday (Saturday) she had a stroke.

Thankfully she was with my uncle when the stroke occurred – and they went straight to the ER.  So she’s at the hospital, had an MRI and currently they think that there’s an abnormality between her heart and her brain – basically that there is some sort of block that is preventing a regular supply of blood to the brain and that’s what caused all the TIA’s and what caused the stroke.

According to my mom – by which I’m getting all of the information – she’s on a ton of baby aspirin and they are watching her.  Tomorrow means an ultrasound of her arteries and an ECG – trying to figure it out.

My nana – she’s 87 and still living in the house that my grandfather built for her – with his own hands.  She is an amazing woman and I’m not ready for anything to happen to her.

So if you read this, could you please say a prayer to whichever deity you believe in, whether it’s God, Allah, Zeus or Yahweh.  She’s a really wonderful woman and she’d appreciate your prayers.

Thank you.

Thankful

18 Nov

Today is my 30th Birthday.  happy birthday me!  And I am incredibly thankful for this past year. 

This exact time last year, I was sitting in a courtroom waiting with my Mom to be called so that we could testify in front of  a judge that yes, I petitioned for a divorce and yes I still want that petition to be granted by the court.  And my mom was my witness to swear in front of a judge that my ex-husband and I hadn’t done anything (read: have sex) that would indicate we were a married couple.   Talk about a suck-tastic way to spend your 29th birthday.

It was all necessary.

Here I am on my 30th birthday – blogging away.  In a better place mentally, physically and emotionally than I was last year. I’ve run more miles in the last 3 months than I did all of last year.  I’ve been nominated for Civilian of the Quarter at work.  I have goals, ambitions and dreams.

I woke up this morning squished in between two dogs and was so unbelievably relaxed and comforted – I don’t remember the last time I woke up on my birthday like that.

I have my best friends – the ones that I don’t see all that often, don’t talk to or text all that often – and yet, when the rare opportunity to actually talk to them presents itself, we pick up right where we left off.

I know I’ve disappointed people – one in particular for being more or less unreachable during a set hour during the day. And for that, I’m sorry that I’ve disappointed him. 

This year has been hard, brutal at times – I mean, my dad’s starting radiation treatments for his stage IV, type 3B prostate cancer, my sister and her husband are moving 6 time zones away, my brother’s going to boot camp in about 3.5 months – but I haven’t felt this comfortable in my own skin in such a long time.

dammit.  I’m HAPPY.

And you know, I couldn’t say that at 27, 28, or 29.  And here I am, at 30 and I finally have reached a good place in my life.

All I want for Christmas is Flattering Running Pants

10 Nov

Pictures from the Wicked 10K means that I want some flattering running pants.

Exhibit A:

Points for color coordination?

Exhibit B:

Paging Squats - thighs need you ASAP!

So for my birthday / Christmas – I want to get my body in shape (currently in progress) and more flattering running pants.  I’m thinking black – clingy, not chaffing and ones that don’t ride up.  Must also handle being washed six thousand times….

Crankapotamous? – your table is ready

9 Nov

So all I wanted to do yesterday was go for a run. It was going to be my first run in the dark – thank you Day Light Savings.   Guess what I didn’t do -yeah, that’s right – go for a run.

My sister and her husband weren’t home when I got home  so I didn’t want to put her dog back in her crate – so I ended up taking all 3 dogs for a walk and then doing some weights – thank you to Ms. K for the AWESOME lifting spreadsheet. 

The problem is – I wanted that run.  And I didn’t get the run.  I even had my day-glo green running jacket – including harnesses for the dogs – ready to go.

And yet, no run.  So of course, I get my panties in a wad. 

Mama, why are you so cranky?

Why is it that couldn’t be happy with the weight lifting / squats / crunches?  And it wasn’t until that I went and had a drink with  my best guy friend, that I couldn’t get out of my funk?

But it wasn’t until I crawled into bed, Jersey under the covers at the foot of the bed and Stanley curled up next to me, that I finally relaxed and realized that all is ok with the world if I didn’t get a run in. 

Mama, hush. It's sleeping time.

And that’s when my mood lifted and I realized – this is happiness.

Why herrooo….

8 Nov

Well holy hot damn on a hot plate, guess who was in the paper:

 

 

Next stop...Hollywood 😉

 

I was interviewed for this before my sister’s wedding in September.  I didn’t get to preview anything so when I saw it today, there was some fear and trepidation at what verbal nonsense had escaped my mouth.

Luckily for me, it came out pretty damn well.  Next month I’m being profiled in our ‘Rescue Lines’ here in the City. With all this publicity, almost feel like I should be running for office or something!

Random Things Friday

5 Nov
  • I totally fell yesterday at Wal-Mart.  I needed dog food and cold cappuccino mixes – only sold at Wal-Mart.  As I walked in, I was totally judging the Christmas stuff…my exact thought was ‘damn, when did Christmas throw up in Wal-Mart’ and then *bam* karma kicked my ass.  I fell, banging up my shins/knees – specifically the top of my tib/fib on both left and right leg – the bony part that sticks out of your shin, right below your knee.
  • My favorite part of every day is snuggling up with Jersey and Stanley.  Stanley has taken to sleeping with his head on the small of my back and now I can’t fall asleep unless he’s there.
  • Trader Joe’s Tofu and their Thai Red Curry sauce is better than everyone elses.  Hands down.  The tofu I got in the organic section of my local grocer tasted too odd-rubbery-organic-y.  Just not as good as TJ’s. 
  • I’m going to dinner tonight and obsessing about what to wear.  It’s not a date but it’s a nice bistro place.  And I have only run once this week so I’m feeling all sorts of floppy all over the place.
  • I want a new job.  In emergency medicine – not a desk job.  Doesn’t have to be in an ambulance – but I want a job with plenty of ‘excitement’ or at least not very monotonous.  I’m willing to go back to school – just don’t want to spend the remainder of my life in school
  • I turn 30 in less than 2 weeks.  I’m not nearly as nervous about it as I was for 29.  But I don’t even want to contemplate 31.