How I spent Halloween Eve – on the ambulance

2 Nov

First – I GOT WORKED. It was BRUTAL. I got my first call at 1810 and my last one at 0415. And we ran steady / busy the entire time.

Here’s how it went down:

First call: Medical alarm. Guy accidentally pressed his medical alarm. I got to walk in on him taking a shower. Good times.

Second call: Unconscious / unresponsive. Pretty sure that she had encephalitis – water on the brain. She had a history of liver failure and kidney failure due to chronic alcohol abuse. Basically her liver is continuing to produce bile but her kidneys cannot function to get the bile out so fluid is building up in all empty spaces…we thought it was encephalitis because she kept repeating ‘stop it’ without any rhyme or reason. Took her to the hospital.

Third Call: Standby at a fire call. Apparently a party with a smoke machine set off the fire alarm. 12 different apparatus – fire engines and ladders – for this call

Fourth Call: Stroke. Woman had definitely had a stroke at some point during the day. She had right sided facial droop, right arm paralysis, inability to speak / make words – all classic signs. Took us 30 minutes to convince her to go to the hospital but eventually we succeeded and took her in.

Fifth Call: Unconscious: A guy got a case of vertigo watching ‘Jackass 3D’. He got dizzy and went to the bathroom where he sort-of passed out. He calmed down after a minute or two and decided that he would go to the ER on his own and didn’t need us to take him.

Sixth Call: Injury. 45 year old male – A 350-lb drunk asshole had gotten into a fight and punched his friend so his friend returned the favor and punched him twice. My patient had a swollen-shut eye, broken nose, a head laceration from the glass curio that he fell into and shattered. And he was an utter bastard. Because he was so combative (flopping around, essentially blowing raspberries – all the time kind of looking at me out of the corner of his eye to see if I was watching – like a 3 year old) I had to tie him down – but to do that I ended up putting my knee into his chest and bearing down, digging into the back of his jaw to get to his pressure points and I was yelling at him to stop acting like a mother-f*cking four year old. The three police officers were working with me to get him tied down and eventually one of the officers used his cuffs to stop his arms from flailing around. When I called the ER to let them know I was coming, they could hear all the commotion in the background and I was telling them the current state (combative) of the patient and his vitals – which I couldn’t completely get. When we pulled into the ER bay, another ambulance crew met us, as did a nurse and the officer from the ER – just to make sure we were ok. The ER staff already had already gotten us a bed and put out the restraints so after the officer unlocked his cuffs we could restrain him to the bed. But the doctor took my report and then asked if I wanted to see him ultrasound the eye. That was so cool – to see what the doctors are looking for – shape of the eye, no detached retinas, etc – and to have a doc take the time to talk to me was really awesome.

Seventh call: Beat-your-boyfriend Saturday night. A girl lost her Schmidt on her boyfriend earlier in the evening. She apparently called her girlfriend and told her what happened. The boyfriend had squeezed the girlfriend’s arms to her side to stop her from beating on him and when he squeezed he may have bruised her ribs. So the 3rd party called 911 and we went out.

Eighth call: A guy at a nursing home had his Foley catheter fall out. He was bleeding from his penis and we took him to the hospital.

And then at 5am, I finally took my boots off and laid down. I got up an hour later to log off and drive home. I was beyond done.

But in all the calls that I had, I did have time to take note of the costumes at the bars in the area….why must girls ‘slutty’ an outfit up?  There was “Slutty Red Riding Hood” and “Slutty Alice in Wonderland”…and the guys could get away with wearing a plaid shirt and a cowboy hat and it be called a costume.  Parity people!

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