50/50 – well hell.

I had a great weekend with my dad and my family.  Well, except for what my Dad said and the brawl that my sister and I got into. 

My Dad has Stage IV, Type 3-b, Node positive prostate cancer. He has a 50-50 shot of making it to 75.  He’s on hormone therapy but the cure might kill him.  He’s going to start radiation – to get off the hormone therapy – in January.

The problem with the hormone replacement is that it makes his weight go up and up and up.  So his doctor is now worried about the amount of weight he’s carrying and what it’s doing to his heart.  My grandfather – my Dad’s dad – died of a heart attack. So there’s family history there. 

I didn’t know it was this bad.  I knew he was having problems but my last conversation with my Mom indicated that he’d be on hormone replacement pills for a little while and then everything would be better. 

The doctor apparently has routinely given him bad news – that dealing with the weight and swelling ankles and joint pain – was as good as it was ever going to get. Except last week when they said that the longer his PSA tests come back clean (he goes in for blood work every 4 months) the better his odds are.

I never ever ever thought I’d be talking about my dad and ‘odds’ in the same sentence.  This wasn’t supposed to be like this.  So what do I do now?

This weekend….

I am stupid excited.  This weekend my Dad, brother, sister and her fiance and I are all heading to Happy Valley for the Penn State Football game!

I’ve never been to Penn State or to the football game so I absolutely positively cannot wait.  Dad’s going to show me where I was born, where we lived and I’ll be at a Big 10 football game.

And there will be beer.  And food.  And plenty of beer.

 So to combat the anticipated gluttony, I have signed up for a couple of races.  I’m doing the following:

All-Access 5K: http://allaccess5k.com/ on Saturday, October 9th.

Army 10 Miler: http://www.armytenmiler.com on Sunday, October 24th.  

Wicked 10K: http://wicked10K.com on Saturday, October 30th.

Turkey Trot 10K:  http://www.tidewaterstriders.com/docs/races/turkeytrot10.pdf on Thursday, November 25th

Surf-to-Santa 10 Miler: http://surfnsanta10miler.com on Saturday, December 4th.

 I am more determined than ever to complete these races.  I’ve been running stronger and faster in the past couple of weeks and want to capitalize on this.   Besides, I’m happier when I’m running.

A Letter to my patient

Dear Patient from the end of July,

I thought about you yesterday while I was out for a run with my dogs.  I thought about you because we actually don’t live that far away from one another.  I thought about you because the street to get to your address is the 2 mile marker for my run.

I thought about you and why you called 911.  I thought about how frustrated and embarrassed you must have been to call 911 because you couldn’t spend another minute with your family.  I thought about how unkempt you appeared – not because it was your fault – but rather because your family stopped caring for you.  I thought about the bedsores, the stench and the fact that you had soiled yourself – all because of your illness.  I thought about how you kept telling us, the EMTs and firefighters caring for you – how sorry you were. 

I thought about the light in your eyes when I looked at you and said that I know that this – this person that you appear – is not who you are.  I thought about how the tears welled up in your eyes when you nodded and told me how you felt like you were living in someone elses body.  MS is a wretched disease.  I recognized that.  I thought about how I hoped I showed my partner and our trainee that a little bit of compassion makes the entire trip to the hospital more tolerable.

I thought about how embarrassed I was because before I could talk to you, I caught my gag-relex working.  I thought about how I wished that I could be more immune to odors because I know that just because you smell a certain way, doesn’t mean that your value is somehow lessened.

I thought about how you and I both knew that this was a BS “emergency” call but that you had nowhere else to go.  How you begged me to tell the nurses that you needed to stay overnight. 

I thought about you yesterday…and the day before…and on every run that takes me past that street.  I really hope that you are doing better and are better cared for. You are a human, someone’s momma and you deserve to be treated with respect.  I hope that you found myself and my crew respectful and that you appreciated the gesture. 

Respectfully,

 Ms. T

Your EMT

“just an FBS school”

I am a JMU Duke.  And you bet your sweet ass that I’m getting this shirt:

I want.

 

Sweet sweet victory

19 days? Say wha?

Oh holy shit.  My sister’s getting married in 19 days.  W.T.F?  In 19 days?  When the hell did that happen?

We had her bridal shower this weekend.  I – as Maid of Honor – was in charge (ACK! OCD with stress from Mom!) and I had 2 of the bridesmaid’s helping.

Menu:

– Cake (pictures to come)

– Sun-dried tomato pasta salad

– Grilled Pineapple with Nutella drizzled on top

– Fruit kabob

– Veggie Plate

– Spinach Roll-ups

– Meatballs

– Chips with 2 dips – bean and spicy corn

– humus with bagel crips

– Grape Salad

(can you tell it’s almost lunch time and I’m starving??)

We had about 18 people come and celebrate Victoria’s upcoming wedding.  I think for the first time it really hit her that this is happening and people are celebrating.

Victoria and her fiance’ had to move up the date of the wedding – not because she’s pregnant – but because he’s deploying (for the 3rd time) and his grandfather (with who he is really close) is ill with cancer.  So I know my sister has been feeling really upset because a lot of the pre-wedding festivities, i.e. obsessing over different dresses, having a ton of time to do showers and luncheons, couldn’t happen.

And then my paternal grandmother declined the invitation to the wedding.

And Victoria’s godparents had already booked a trip overseas.  So they’re not coming.

So when it came time to throw a shower, I wanted it to be a great time for Victoria to really enjoy a party thrown in her honor.  We had decorations, games, food and fun.  And plenty of women who love Victoria and wanted to have a great time celebrating her.

I can’t wait to post pictures.

Three Things Thursday

In no order what so ever:

1) I was the worst speller in elementary school.  I hated it, I hated how some kids could just spell words and win the spelling bee’s where I would get my butt kicked by the word ‘with’.  Yes – in 4th grade I regularly spelled it with an ‘e’ at the end  – ‘withe’.  In my (meager) defense, we were studying Colonial History at the time and every document we were looking it had with-with-an-e. 

2) I have been complaining for weeks that I need to get an air pump for my tires of my bike.  For weeks I have been belly aching and excuse creating.  Until Tuesday night when my sister, her fiance’ and I all went out for dairy queen (yum mini blizzard!). He was messing around with all the junk in my back seat and found the air pump that plugs into the cigarette lighter.  It had been back there for months.  Now all I have to do is actually pump up my tires and I’ll add some bicycling to the mix 🙂

3) I’m panicking about my sister’s bridal shower this weekend.  I am always afraid that the food / drink / whatever won’t be good enough or folks won’t like it.  But then again – that’s what I do – I worry and worry and then all the food will be gone and I’ll worry that folks didn’t get enough to eat.  Cause that’s what I do….

(Mostly) Wordless Wednesday

Goals…

Goal 1:  To save up enough to take a vacation where I can go surf like this:

Hawaii surf

 

Goal 2:  To continue working out so that I can look like this again:

Look at those legs! Gimme back that kind of definition....

The two things in my life that make me happiest:

Jersey:

Lil girl

 

My boy – Stanley:

Stanley in all his glory

Looking 30 Days ahead

The next month is super busy.  This weekend is Labor Day weekend and has Hurricane Earl threatening to make a guest appearance.

Next weekend is my sister’s bridal shower.

The weekend after that, I’m trying to go visit friends for a weekend.

The weekend after that is PENN STATE FOOTBALL!

And the weekend after that – my little, baby, can’t-believe-it’s-really-happening – sister is getting married.

Oh.holy.hell. 

And in this compressed stress, I have made the committment to spend each day this month devoted to doing something physical – even if it’s just sit-ups and modified push ups.  The goal is to run more days per week than not.  I got on the scale the other day and I saw a number I really didn’t like.  Combined with how I’m not completely satisfied with the way I look in the mirror = renewed committment to doing something active every day. 

So, running, biking, sit-ups, weight lifting, something – has to be on the ‘to do list’ every day.  It’s just a month.